1 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,720 Uh... engine and gearbox? 2 00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,748 Yeah. 3 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,921 £1,000?! You've got to be joking! 4 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,493 I didn't know war had been declared. 5 00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:11,766 - Lovejoy. - Unless the army's delivering writs. 6 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,704 - Are you restoring that? - Restoring? 7 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,736 Oh, yes. Yes. 8 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,771 - Restoring. - Regency. 9 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:26,149 Yeah, it will be. Will be a very nice piece again. 10 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,777 - Late Regency. - Very late. 11 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:31,723 - It should have been done this week. - You're a divvy. 12 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,022 - What's in a name, Sergeant? - Major. 13 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,460 - Sergeant Major. - No, the name's Major Chatfield. 14 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,487 - Lovejoy, I'll be honest. - Must you? 15 00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:42,331 - You weren't my first choice. - I rarely am, but I'm unspoiled by failure. 16 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:45,166 Do you know anything about paintings, pictures? 17 00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:50,108 Well, on a clear day with a following wind, I can tell a Picasso from a Pizarro. 18 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:56,642 What do you think of this? 19 00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:00,345 Rule 1, always check there isn't a Christie's number on the back. 20 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:04,117 - It can save a lot of face. - Could you sell it for me? 21 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,988 - No. - Why not? 22 00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:09,256 - I sell antiques. This was done yesterday. - Two years ago actually. 23 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,286 Ashley Wilkes, the Gypsy painter. 24 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,693 Well, he's not actually a Gypo. He's more of a nomad. 25 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,862 Travels with his paints in the back of the van. Only took him two hours. 26 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:23,536 Really? Talent like that, shame he didn't spend two days on it or two weeks. 27 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,771 - You think he can paint? - I know he can. 28 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,004 - Can you find him for me? - What? 29 00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:31,039 - Find him. - Sell the painting? 30 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,279 Find the artist? I'm not Sherlock Holmes. No. 31 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:36,618 If he's gone AWOL, try the Salvation Army or the News of the World. 32 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:40,888 I can't afford publicity, any more than you can afford to turn me down. 33 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,521 - Oh, can't I? - You're behind with your rates. 34 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:47,055 You owe three months' rent and the bank has started to bounce your checks. 35 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,590 Temporary cash flow. 36 00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:51,297 You owe four dealers in the area that I know of 37 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,636 and you still haven't paid last quarter's garage bill. 38 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,700 - I admire thoroughness. - 200 a day? 39 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,075 Three days in advance. 40 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,103 OK. 41 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,138 Why do you want him found? 42 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,710 I promised him a job if it came up, a mural in the officers' mess. 43 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,983 - When could you start? - You're hustling me. 44 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,116 But I am between jobs. 45 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,584 You're between jobs a lot. 46 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,596 Mm-hm. 47 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,427 - Did he bite? - Yes, I think so. 48 00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:27,837 - "Think"? Either he did or he didn't? - Yes, he bit. 49 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,774 - How long will it take? - He doesn't know. 50 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,538 - You said it was urgent? - Of course. 51 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:36,538 A serving major in the British army, all spit and polish, looking for an artist? 52 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:39,450 I should cocoa. To paint a mural? 53 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,953 Biggest load of cobblers I've heard in years. 54 00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,456 Still, the money's useful. 55 00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:46,685 Come to think of it, any money's useful. 56 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,784 (Tinker) Why get involved? (Lovejoy) I'm intrigued. 57 00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,820 It only took him two hours. 58 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:54,628 (Tinker) Blimey! (Lovejoy) Exactly. 59 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,159 How do we find him, Tink? 60 00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,194 You'll have to go on the knocker. 61 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,230 Oh, no. Life's too short. 62 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,333 It is for the Morris. I'm sure of that. 63 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:06,072 - Pity Eric's not here. - Yeah. 64 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,444 - Where is he? - He's in Wales. 65 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,176 - What's he doing? - Thank you, love. 66 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:13,344 - Fishing. - We should bait a couple of hooks ourselves. 67 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,377 I've already done that. 68 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:18,083 - Called Lisa at the Advertiser. - Don't you owe her? 69 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:21,616 - Of course. This is her chance to break even. - That's what you said last time. 70 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,652 Whose side are you on, Tink? 71 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,687 What did you put in? 72 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:31,136 "American buyer wishes to purchase genuine Ashley Wilkes for cash." 73 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:33,962 Old US dollars, the greenbacks. 74 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:37,135 - Should get their greedy little minds working. - Yeah. 75 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,935 Ashley Wilkes... 76 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,970 Are you sure you don't know him? 77 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,006 Works out the back of his jam jar. 78 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:47,178 So does the double-glazing man, Lovejoy, but is it art? 79 00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,082 (Door closing) 80 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,118 (Footsteps approaching) 81 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,489 (Woman) Hello. You there! 82 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,592 I'm talking to you! 83 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,208 - Me? - You. What are you doing? 84 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,569 Oh, a daub or two. 85 00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,672 An ill-favored thing, but mine own. 86 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,309 - Shouldn't you have asked? - Asked? 87 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,948 You'd have me ask God if I can paint the sky next. 88 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,149 It's my cottage, not God's. 89 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,115 The most attractive I've seen all summer. 90 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,151 Oh, you think so? 91 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,186 Oh, yes. 92 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:33,221 Yes, it's beautiful. 93 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,793 The proportions, it's like a handsome face. It has structure. 94 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,236 Looks good now. It'll look good in 50 years. 95 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:42,564 A thing of beauty is a joy forever. 96 00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,301 How long will it take? 97 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,144 Well, you know what they say. You can't hurry art. 98 00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:53,749 Oh, I'm not trying to hurry you. It's just that I have to go out later. 99 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,847 That's all right. I've got everything I need, palette, easel, subject. 100 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,383 Do you ever sell them? The finished canvases. 101 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,721 Occasionally. 102 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:09,466 Perhaps before you leave, you'd knock on the door? 103 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,294 Maybe I could beg a cup of something. 104 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,464 It might be arranged. 105 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,703 - You should do that more often. - What? 106 00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,713 Smile. It lights up the day. 107 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:25,712 Your skin has a luster that you don't often see outside porcelain. 108 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,581 - What's your name? - Oh, Wilkes. 109 00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:33,985 Ashley Wilkes. 110 00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:36,620 And then I thought we could slip over to Orford. 111 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,889 Orford? 112 00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:43,401 - What's at Orford? - What, apart from us? 113 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,305 Oysters. They grow them in Buttley Creek. 114 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,632 Sounds good. 115 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:54,009 And then, I thought, perhaps a little salmon, 116 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,037 cured over oak. 117 00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,678 Mm... Think I'd like to be cured over oak? 118 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,711 You're not ready for the cure. 119 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,814 - I'm not? - No. 120 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:07,816 You're far too wicked. 121 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,851 Thank goodness. 122 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,288 - Where's Harry? - Germany. 123 00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:16,062 - When's he back? - Not till Friday. 124 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,994 Why not pop round on Thursday? 125 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,431 I can hardly wait. 126 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,466 Hm... One of yours? 127 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,381 Good God, no! It's Lovejoy. 128 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,949 - Who's he? - Local peasantry. 129 00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:35,510 Excuse me. Why don't you browse a bit? 130 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,123 Good God, Lovejoy, haven't you got shot of this motor yet? 131 00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:48,998 Miriam has only had one previous owner, who happens to be a real lady. 132 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,162 You look as if you're delivering King Edwards. 133 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,365 Why not do the decent thing, have her put down? 134 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:57,809 Shh! I will, when I can afford to replace her. 135 00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,574 - Things can't be that bad, surely? - You want a bet? 136 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,639 - How's it looking? - You tell me. 137 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,609 Oh... (Chuckling) 138 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,412 Yes. Good. Very good. 139 00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:14,893 Mmm. 30 percent mark-up and you didn't even have to dirty your donnies. 140 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:16,918 Um... Lovejoy... 141 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,058 - Brass handles. - What about them? 142 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:22,090 How does one... age them? 143 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,661 Depends on which one we're talking about, this one or this one? 144 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,172 Ah. Find yourself a local farmer with a muck-spreading tank. 145 00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:32,200 - Muck? - Best way. 146 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,941 - Are you having me on? - No. It's the ammonia in the cow piss. 147 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,972 - Do you mind? - Life is real, dude. 148 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,075 Well, it doesn't have to be that real. 149 00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,884 Ashley Wilkes, painter, contemporary. Have you heard of him? 150 00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,322 - Ashley Wilkes? - Yeah. I need to find him. 151 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,349 Name's familiar. 152 00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:50,954 There was a Wilkes used to run a weekend art school on a farm near Braintree. 153 00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:54,228 - You sure? - Yes, unless it was a different Wilkes. 154 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,895 Uh... shouldn't you, uh... be somewhere? 155 00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,927 No. 156 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:02,397 (Chuckling) 157 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,535 Oh, Alec... 158 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:21,149 Do you think he uses unleaded? 159 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,720 (Answering machine) Hello, Mr. Lovejoy. This is Alison Jukes. 160 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,755 I have an antique shop in Lisden. 161 00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:30,132 I also have an Ashley Wilkes if you care to come and have a look at it. 162 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:33,935 - Heads. - Tails it is. I'll take Miss Jukes. 163 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,964 - You take Braintree. - Braintree? 164 00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:38,306 - Yeah. Why not? - How am I going to get there? 165 00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,938 - Your bike's outside. - I can't bike to Braintree! 166 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,505 No excuses, Tink. You've always wanted to be a painter. 167 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,380 - Have I? - Yeah. 168 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,716 - I must have forgotten. - This is your big chance. 169 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,744 Go down a hick, come back a Hockney. 170 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:52,189 - It'll cost you. - Use the bread you owe me. 171 00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:55,053 - But you owe me! - Well, use that, then. 172 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,431 I asked him to call as soon as he knew something. 173 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,377 (Car horn) 174 00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,056 (Buzzer) 175 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,842 - Love the Ince and Mayhew. - Good. 176 00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,176 - What about the secretaire? - Ahem. 177 00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,912 Go on. 178 00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,948 Well, some you win, some you don't. 179 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,722 - You don't think it could be genuine? - It could. 180 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,021 But you don't think so? 181 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,024 - It is signed. - In Biro? 182 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,059 Please! 183 00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:14,262 J.H. Riesener. 184 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:17,639 - It's even spelt right. - Well, it's signed, but not by him. 185 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,668 I'd stake my name on that. 186 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:22,180 - Which is? - Lovejoy. We spoke earlier. 187 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:48,363 - Is this what you're looking for? - Oh, that's my boy. 188 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,671 He's got a thing about Suffolk cottages. 189 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,076 I bought it from a local man in part exchange. 190 00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:57,071 - May I ask who? - I thought you were interested in the painting. 191 00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:59,107 The painter actually. 192 00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,279 What's in it for me? I run an antique shop, not a dating agency. 193 00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:06,257 - I could help you move the Ince and Mayhew. - No help needed, thank you. 194 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:09,056 - How about the William Derby sketch. - No thank you. 195 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:11,893 - What can you do for me with the secretaire? - Oh, no, no. 196 00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,729 Now, we both know that's known in the trade as an own goal. 197 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,634 - It can happen to the best of us. - You're a big help. 198 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,298 Well, as Nelson said, "You've got to have an eye for it." 199 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:24,532 Mr. Lovejoy, I don't think we're going to do business. 200 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,377 - All I want is an address. - Well, I suggest you try British Telecom. 201 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,405 Or the Post Office. 202 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:38,181 Hello. You know, you should always check the pockets of things that you buy. 203 00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,215 I always do. 204 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,695 George III, 1787, Spade guinea piece. 205 00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:46,061 Now, you don't get many of those for a quid. 206 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,089 Thank you, very much. 207 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:51,399 I once found a child's amber pendant in a lady's reticule. 208 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,428 It's now in Bury Museum. 209 00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,463 How about that address? 210 00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,565 Oh, hello. Can I help? 211 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:32,941 Um... 212 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,606 - Art classes. - Yes, that's right. 213 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,639 Uh... I've come to enroll. 214 00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:41,141 - I'm not another Gauguin, I'm afraid. - Very few around this year. 215 00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:44,315 A Mr. Wilkes, Ashley Wilkes, does he still teach? 216 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:47,018 Yes. You're in luck. He's only here on Sundays. 217 00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:50,392 - Are you involved? - No, not any longer. 218 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:52,420 It's in the barn, over there. 219 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,567 Hello. 220 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,169 My name's Lovejoy. 221 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,478 - I've nothing to sell. - I'm not buying. 222 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,711 - Nor do I want to buy. - I'm not selling. 223 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:21,655 You sold a painting recently of your cottage by an artist called Wilkes. 224 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,356 What about it? It was mine to sell. 225 00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,387 Oh, I'm interested in finding Wilkes. 226 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:30,729 - Why? - A client of mine's offered him a commission. 227 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,497 He did it a couple of summers ago. My wife bought it. 228 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,805 Oh. Maybe it's her I should be talking to. 229 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,834 Chance would be a fine thing. 230 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,371 You never met him? 231 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:46,213 - No. - Sorry? You never met him? 232 00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:48,943 I wouldn't have forgotten. 233 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,648 - And that's all you have to say? - That's all. 234 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,585 What's this called? 235 00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,621 - Robert le diable. - Thought so. 236 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,143 (Sighing) 237 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,198 It's just possible that he's some kind of journalist. 238 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,232 (Inaudible) 239 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,677 (Knock at the door) 240 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,190 - Hello. - Hello. 241 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,219 It's going to rain. 242 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:15,763 - Can you feel it in your bones? - No. I heard it on the radio. 243 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,569 - Lovejoy. - I hope you can make your pitch outside. 244 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:23,006 - Why's that? - I'm told I have to be careful who I let in. 245 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,341 - I've never mugged a client yet. - But I'm not a client yet. 246 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:29,313 Were you this cautious with Ashley Wilkes? 247 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:43,319 - Do you know anything about ivory? - Enough to know I don't want to touch it. 248 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,490 - This one's started to crack. - That's the central heating. 249 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:48,727 - Seriously? - Got to keep ivory humid. 250 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,758 See where it's been mended before? 251 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,196 Love a cup of tea. 252 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,435 - What? - Tea. 253 00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,467 - Earl Grey in a bag? - Terrific. 254 00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,241 - Lemon? - Oh, no. Milk with three lumps, please. 255 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,951 Cute. 256 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,855 - Why hide it? - It embarrasses me. 257 00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,890 - How come? - Do I have to? 258 00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:57,925 I can't force you. 259 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,734 I was conned. Makes me angry to admit it. 260 00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,763 - How did he work it? - Oh... 261 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,703 I came down. He was outside painting. 262 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,477 I suppose I was flattered. 263 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:12,484 Next thing I know, it's out with the check book and I bought it, 264 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:16,113 literally, metaphorically and every other which way. 265 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:20,250 - Good with the chat, eh? - He could sell snow to Eskimos. 266 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:23,352 - Seen him since? - No, and I don't want to. 267 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,389 - And you're still angry. - Yes! I was old enough to know better. 268 00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,423 I've no excuses. 269 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,834 That's good. Good. 270 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,007 Yes, that's excellent. 271 00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:52,752 He drives around in an old banger, you know, Wilkes? Ex-GPO van. 272 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,783 Damn good wicket if you ask me. 273 00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,553 And you've never seen him since? 274 00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:05,134 Now, other people in the village, they bought pictures too, right? 275 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:06,660 I believe so, yes. 276 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:12,437 - Let's give you the other half, Mr. Lovejoy. - I shouldn't really. I'm driving. 277 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,468 I'll fetch it. 278 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:18,108 I buy a barrel every summer from Gabby's farm. 279 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,377 Mr. Lovejoy... 280 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:27,720 ...about this painting, as straight as I can make it... 281 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,721 ...the £200, 282 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:33,663 one of the best investments I've made in years. 283 00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,463 No, no, no, not one of the best... 284 00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,759 ...THE best. 285 00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:43,264 It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say it's um... 286 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,634 ...revitalized our marriage. 287 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:51,812 Revitalized it. Do I need to say more? 288 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:57,015 No. I've always believed that art should have a therapeutic effect. 289 00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:59,046 Yes. (Laughing) 290 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,582 Yes. Very good! 291 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,585 (Humming) 292 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,096 (Woman) You'll never finish them. 293 00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:18,734 - One day. - Oh, yeah? 294 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:24,210 No, you'll see. The Japanese collectors will be falling over themselves. 295 00:21:24,249 --> 00:21:29,551 (Japanese accent) Ah, Wilkes-san, toast of Osaka, Yokohama, Kyoto, Shanghai... 296 00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:33,024 - That's China. - Ah, very big in China too. 297 00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,230 - Give it a year. - What? 298 00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:47,170 Drop everything for a year. 299 00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:49,503 Finish them. 300 00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:51,532 End of the summer. Maybe. 301 00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:58,077 Words, so many words. 302 00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,885 You got anything on this week? 303 00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:06,322 Much the same as the last one and the one before that. 304 00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:09,122 Why not finish the watercolor of the church? 305 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,493 - I didn't realize you'd seen that. - Mm. 306 00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:15,764 - Well? - Well what? 307 00:22:15,801 --> 00:22:19,202 - The picture. What do you think? - It's good. 308 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,467 Good good or just good? 309 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,872 No, it's good. Stanley Spencer-ish. 310 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:27,034 - Really? - Really. 311 00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:30,378 - Not just saying that? - It's the one thing I don't lie about. 312 00:22:35,654 --> 00:22:39,249 - Do you have to go? - Well, I've just heard the weather forecast. 313 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:41,623 Sunny spells. It's going to be a good week. 314 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:47,562 What's all this about? 315 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:51,433 - Tell me. - I suddenly remembered how it used to be. 316 00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:55,329 Two years is a long time in politics. 317 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,433 Crazy. I must have been out of my mind. 318 00:22:57,476 --> 00:23:00,809 - Why? - Women always think they can change men. 319 00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:02,837 Why don't we ever learn? 320 00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:06,246 There's been a lot of loving and leaving. 321 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:09,310 You were the one that I didn't leave. 322 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:12,812 - Cos I wouldn't let you. - I took you with me. 323 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,254 Is that supposed to mean something? 324 00:23:18,029 --> 00:23:20,020 That's for you to decide. 325 00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:24,332 Ciao for now. 326 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:27,027 Have you got your corn plasters? 327 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,064 Ah... unworthy of you. 328 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,669 I may not be here when you get back. 329 00:23:35,347 --> 00:23:38,248 - Who says I'm coming back? - You're a bastard. 330 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,409 Through and through. 331 00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:44,286 - And a shit. - Never been any doubt. 332 00:23:50,729 --> 00:23:52,720 Shop! 333 00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:55,733 Oh, I didn't mean to wake you up, Tink. 334 00:23:57,669 --> 00:24:02,504 I can't make up my mind whether to cycle more or give it up entirely. 335 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:07,870 - How did you get on? - I graduated. With honors. 336 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:10,074 - That was quick. - They don't hang about. 337 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,243 Landscapes, two to three, still lives, three to four, nudes four... 338 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,344 - Nudes?! - You should have seen him. 339 00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:18,948 - Him? Yeuch! - Yeuch was right. 340 00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:21,891 - Now, what about Wilkes? - I met him. 341 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:24,555 - You met him? - Face to face. 342 00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:27,429 - And what's he like? - The women drool. 343 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,900 Ah... So I hear. 344 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,130 Why don't you tell the Fuhrer where he is? 345 00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:37,233 No, no, no, Tink. Another day, another 200 dollars. 346 00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:43,342 How did you make out at the antique shop with Miss Jukes? 347 00:24:43,381 --> 00:24:44,871 I nearly didn't. 348 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,641 Use it or lose it, Lovejoy. 349 00:24:47,686 --> 00:24:50,553 I had to produce one of those George Ills, you know. 350 00:24:50,589 --> 00:24:52,580 That I happen to have made last week. 351 00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:54,615 Very timely, Tink. Very timely. 352 00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:58,687 Oh, he's a con man, isn't he, Tink, eh? 353 00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:00,721 Pound to a penny. 354 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:03,097 I mean, I found a bloke who's lost his wife. 355 00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:06,729 I found a wife who's lost or misplaced her husband. 356 00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:09,865 Leaves a trail of storm damage in his wake, does our Ashley. 357 00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:13,400 - Sounds like you. - I was just going to say that, Tink. 358 00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:18,713 - Give him a reminder. - He said he'd call. 359 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,809 Call him. Tell him to get his finger out. 360 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:23,252 - You think it'll help? - Just do it, Major. 361 00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:33,454 Time is of the essence, right? 362 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:37,858 (Phone ringing) 363 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:43,639 (Answerphone) This is Lovejoy Antiques. 364 00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:45,905 (Answerphone beeps) 365 00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:50,643 Lovejoy, Major Chatfield at 1500, on the 18th. 366 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,810 No news, and in this case, that's not good. 367 00:25:53,852 --> 00:25:56,912 I'd appreciate a sit rep as soon as possible. 368 00:25:56,955 --> 00:26:01,585 Ring me at home or in the office, not later than 2200. Out. 369 00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:05,886 (Blows raspberry) 370 00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,263 (Car approaching) 371 00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:35,217 That's good. Very good. 372 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,820 - The canvas or? - Both. 373 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:42,061 - You must be Roz. - I am, but I must warn you, Mr... 374 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:44,500 - Just Lovejoy. - I've had it from experts. 375 00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:48,165 I am immune to charm and flattery and cajolery. 376 00:26:48,206 --> 00:26:51,107 I can see I'm on the right trail. I'm looking for Ashley Wilkes. 377 00:26:51,142 --> 00:26:55,340 Oh, yes. Well, as far as this is concerned, he taught me all I know. 378 00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:59,146 - He's not the world's worst painter. - He could be great if only he'd concentrate. 379 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:01,175 Well, it sells well enough. 380 00:27:01,219 --> 00:27:04,950 - You only hear about the successes. - Ah. 381 00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:06,981 Scores of them, you see? 382 00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:09,858 Norfolk cottages, Suffolk cottages. 383 00:27:09,894 --> 00:27:13,091 Essex cottages. Hundreds of the bloody things. 384 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:18,562 - He, uh... He did this? - Yeah. 385 00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:20,594 - These? - Mm-hm. 386 00:27:23,908 --> 00:27:25,967 Why doesn't he ever finish anything? 387 00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:29,777 Because there's always another pretty face, pair of legs, tight little bottom. 388 00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:32,146 - This could get bitter. - All too easily. 389 00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:34,174 Do you know where he is now? 390 00:27:34,219 --> 00:27:38,383 Yes. Charming the pants off another unsuspecting sucker. 391 00:27:38,423 --> 00:27:40,653 Is that how you see yourself, a sucker? 392 00:27:40,692 --> 00:27:44,719 No, not really. We had some great times, lots of them. 393 00:27:45,563 --> 00:27:49,192 My life was pretty dull, you know, before I met him. Khaki. 394 00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:53,137 But now, never knowing where he is, who he's with... 395 00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:58,174 - Too exhausting. - These are really good, you know. 396 00:27:58,209 --> 00:28:01,610 - Tell him. He'd love to hear. - If I ever find him, I will. 397 00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:03,637 (Wilkes) So, what have I got here? 398 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:07,049 This is Pilgrim's House. That's Mrs. Robinson's. 399 00:28:07,819 --> 00:28:09,810 A likely lass? 400 00:28:11,890 --> 00:28:13,881 What about that one? 401 00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:17,827 Oh, that's Arthur Ryland's place. He's a superintendent in the police. 402 00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:22,322 - Lives alone with a couple of Labradors. - No, I don't think so. What about that? 403 00:28:23,401 --> 00:28:25,392 Oh, that's Plum Tree Cottage. 404 00:28:25,437 --> 00:28:27,871 Annabel Scott. You remember. 405 00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:31,341 She used to do the weather on the local telly. 406 00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:34,034 Ah, yes. 407 00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,070 Does she have an eye for art? 408 00:28:36,114 --> 00:28:39,106 Art, Tom, Dick, Harry... 409 00:28:39,150 --> 00:28:41,015 No Mr. Scott? 410 00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:43,919 No. He departed in one of the many squally showers. 411 00:28:43,955 --> 00:28:48,221 - So you'll want the room for the week? - Of course. What about that one? 412 00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:51,795 Ah, that's the Wilsons'. He's something in the city. 413 00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:54,731 You know, this art business, 414 00:28:54,766 --> 00:28:57,200 it's dead scientific, isn't it? 415 00:28:57,235 --> 00:29:00,762 Well, there's no percentage in wasting a lot of time and paint 416 00:29:00,805 --> 00:29:04,707 and then discovering the place is inhabited by Philistines. 417 00:29:04,743 --> 00:29:06,643 (♪ Retreat) 418 00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,811 - Hello. - Morning. 419 00:29:50,855 --> 00:29:52,846 - My name is Lo... - Lovejoy. 420 00:29:52,891 --> 00:29:55,689 - Yeah. - We've not met. 421 00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:57,991 You were pointed out to me. 422 00:29:58,029 --> 00:30:00,020 Across a crowded room? 423 00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:02,055 That sort of thing. 424 00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,091 Come in. 425 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:25,245 Ashley Wilkes. 426 00:30:25,290 --> 00:30:27,952 - Yes. - You know him? 427 00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:30,825 We... met. 428 00:30:30,862 --> 00:30:33,990 - Two summers ago? - Two. 429 00:30:34,032 --> 00:30:36,626 You came home, or you spotted him, 430 00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:40,001 and there he was, busy, painting away. 431 00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:42,397 That's it exactly. 432 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,170 - 200? - Less. 433 00:30:46,311 --> 00:30:48,905 I don't think I could raise 200 at the time. 434 00:30:48,947 --> 00:30:50,938 Why the interest? 435 00:30:51,749 --> 00:30:53,740 I want to find him. Urgently. 436 00:30:53,785 --> 00:30:56,652 I don't suppose you know his address or his telephone number. 437 00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:57,950 (Chuckling) 438 00:30:57,989 --> 00:30:59,980 Why are you laughing? 439 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:04,757 Phone numbers and addresses are for the vox pop, like mortgages and gas bills. 440 00:31:04,796 --> 00:31:08,027 Ashley Wilkes was not like that. 441 00:31:08,066 --> 00:31:10,296 - - Not like that at all. - (Door opening) 442 00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:12,633 (Man) Darling? - In here. 443 00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:18,399 A long time since you called me darling, Alec. 444 00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:20,536 - What are you doing here? - We were chatting. 445 00:31:20,578 --> 00:31:22,569 Are you a friend of Harry's? 446 00:31:22,614 --> 00:31:24,605 No. 447 00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:26,640 What were you chatting about? 448 00:31:29,020 --> 00:31:31,011 What's that? 449 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:34,183 - Ashley Wilkes. - The chappie you were asking me about? 450 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,216 Very one. 451 00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:40,587 Well, it's not awfully good. 452 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:44,728 - With respect. - At least you're consistent. 453 00:31:44,769 --> 00:31:47,169 What about the art school and farm, and all that? 454 00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:50,268 He's only there at weekends. 455 00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:53,670 Oh. Sorry about that. 456 00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:57,670 - Any suggestions? You have a lot of contacts. - (Alec) I'm too busy. 457 00:31:57,715 --> 00:32:01,674 - Don't tell me everyone's got one of these. - Practically everyone. 458 00:32:04,389 --> 00:32:07,517 He applies the double-glazing principle to painting. 459 00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:11,927 You know, "Our rep's in your area, masterpiece by teatime," etc, etc. 460 00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,389 - Was that how it happened? - Sort of. 461 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:30,679 Afternoon. 462 00:32:30,715 --> 00:32:32,706 Hello. 463 00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:35,378 - Lovely day. - It's a beauty. 464 00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:39,117 So still you can hear the grass grow. 465 00:32:44,295 --> 00:32:46,286 What made you choose this cottage? 466 00:32:47,832 --> 00:32:49,823 It's the prettiest I've seen. 467 00:32:49,867 --> 00:32:51,858 Really? 468 00:32:51,903 --> 00:32:53,894 It's mine. 469 00:32:53,938 --> 00:32:55,929 Is it? 470 00:32:57,175 --> 00:32:59,166 - Do you object? - Of course not. 471 00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:02,940 It grieves me I can't do it more justice. 472 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:04,972 Oh, I don't know. 473 00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:07,951 You're being too critical. I think it's pretty good. 474 00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:11,044 Damned good. 475 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,851 An ill-favored thing, but mine own. 476 00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:18,719 Do you ever sell them? 477 00:33:19,530 --> 00:33:21,521 It's been known. 478 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,130 Perhaps when it's finished, you'll show it to me. 479 00:33:25,169 --> 00:33:27,160 My pleasure. 480 00:33:31,642 --> 00:33:34,338 I'm just going to make some tea. Would you like a cup? 481 00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:37,371 I'd love one. 482 00:33:44,522 --> 00:33:46,513 Lovejoy! 483 00:33:47,725 --> 00:33:50,694 Took you longer than I expected. Two minutes longer. 484 00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:54,289 - It's most embarrassing. - Well, I'm not embarrassed. 485 00:33:54,332 --> 00:33:56,323 I am. 486 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:58,358 Deborah... 487 00:33:59,103 --> 00:34:02,163 - Debbie, my friend... - Oh, as in just good. 488 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:04,902 - Don't make this more awkward. - I'm sorry. 489 00:34:04,942 --> 00:34:08,309 - I'm sure I don't need to spell this out to you. - You don't? 490 00:34:08,346 --> 00:34:11,281 - You know what I'm talking about. - I haven't a clue. 491 00:34:11,315 --> 00:34:13,715 For God's sake, man. She's still married. 492 00:34:13,751 --> 00:34:16,845 Oh, Harry! Lovely fella! 493 00:34:18,089 --> 00:34:21,889 - You said you didn't know him. - No, no, no, no. He's one of my best mates. 494 00:34:21,926 --> 00:34:24,622 Oh, God! 495 00:34:24,662 --> 00:34:28,257 - But don't worry, I wouldn't fink on you. - You wouldn't? 496 00:34:28,299 --> 00:34:30,597 No! He's got this terrible temper. 497 00:34:30,635 --> 00:34:33,297 Have you seen that trick he does with the poker? 498 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:38,735 - Poker? - Yeah, but there'll be a price for my silence. 499 00:34:38,776 --> 00:34:42,234 - Ashley Wilkes? - You're not too busy, are you? 500 00:34:42,980 --> 00:34:44,971 I'll find the bastard. 501 00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:51,044 - (Knock at the door) - Come. 502 00:34:58,362 --> 00:35:01,627 - Time's winged chariot, Major. - I'm doing the best I can. 503 00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:05,466 - We said by the end of today. - For God's sake, man! It's been two years! 504 00:35:06,704 --> 00:35:09,002 Important names are involved. 505 00:35:10,007 --> 00:35:13,807 - A household name. - You told me. 506 00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:15,836 Twist Lovejoy's tail. 507 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,871 Or we'll cut it off. 508 00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,948 It's around here somewhere, Tink. 509 00:35:20,985 --> 00:35:22,816 (Phone ringing) 510 00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:25,779 Don't! 511 00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:30,988 (Answerphone) This is Lovejoy Antiques. 512 00:35:31,028 --> 00:35:32,689 (Answerphone beeps) 513 00:35:32,730 --> 00:35:37,599 Hello. Lovejoy, it's Statham, about your friend, Ashley bloody Wilkes. 514 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:40,695 - Sorry. I was just seeing off a client. - 0h. 515 00:35:40,738 --> 00:35:43,536 - I've got a lead. - Wonderfull 516 00:35:43,574 --> 00:35:45,565 An auctioneer in Ipswich, an art buff, 517 00:35:45,610 --> 00:35:49,068 says there's a Wilkes living above a pub near Basildon. 518 00:35:49,113 --> 00:35:53,743 - The same Wilkes? - I think so. The pub's called The Dun Cow. 519 00:35:53,784 --> 00:35:56,617 - I don't know if he's there now. - Right, leave it with me. 520 00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:59,680 - Uh... Lovejoy, are you still there? - Yeah. 521 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:04,957 I've checked with Debbie. She says you don't know Harry. 522 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:08,932 - Harry? - Her husband Harry. 523 00:36:08,966 --> 00:36:11,526 And they don't even own a poker. 524 00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:36,816 - Ashley Wilkes? - Yeah. 525 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:38,852 Lovejoy. Antiques. 526 00:36:39,897 --> 00:36:43,924 - Well, I'm not as young as I used to be, but... - You do just fine. 527 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:45,959 - Oh, no sense complaining. - May I? 528 00:36:46,003 --> 00:36:47,994 Yes, yes. 529 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:53,405 - You're a hard man to find. - Looking in the wrong places. 530 00:36:53,444 --> 00:36:55,878 Well, Joanna didn't know where to find you. 531 00:36:55,913 --> 00:36:57,904 Annie didn't, 532 00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:01,009 nor Deborah, not even Roz. 533 00:37:02,019 --> 00:37:05,216 Uh... my two weaknesses, painting and, uh... 534 00:37:06,757 --> 00:37:08,918 Business and pleasure. You know what they say. 535 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,258 Oh, they're meant to be mixed. Freud says so. 536 00:37:11,295 --> 00:37:14,856 Work and love, it's what makes the world bubble. 537 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,391 I've got a theory about you. 538 00:37:18,436 --> 00:37:20,427 Oh, yes? 539 00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:24,802 These cottage paintings, these two-hour jobs, 540 00:37:24,842 --> 00:37:27,606 they're a blind to hide something. 541 00:37:27,645 --> 00:37:28,976 Like what? 542 00:37:29,013 --> 00:37:34,451 That you don't want to devote real time to real pictures like those abstracts in the barn. 543 00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:40,484 Hm... I haven't tried that style in years. 544 00:37:40,524 --> 00:37:42,515 You scared of failure? 545 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:45,385 Not of theory. 546 00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:50,423 If you concentrated on that style instead of those pot boilers, who knows? 547 00:37:52,003 --> 00:37:53,994 I'd be proud to represent you. 548 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:58,097 - Is that why you're looking for me? - Partly. 549 00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:01,768 Someone wants to find you. 550 00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:03,803 A major in the army. 551 00:38:04,782 --> 00:38:07,876 - Men's army? - Men's army. 552 00:38:07,918 --> 00:38:09,943 Says he promised you a commission. 553 00:38:09,987 --> 00:38:11,978 In the army? 554 00:38:12,023 --> 00:38:14,856 To paint a mural at the officers' mess. 555 00:38:19,096 --> 00:38:21,087 I wouldn't forget that. 556 00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:23,123 Will you meet him? 557 00:38:23,167 --> 00:38:25,192 I can call him. This will only take an hour. 558 00:38:26,904 --> 00:38:29,702 Well, why not? Looks like rain. 559 00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:33,232 Yeah. Rain stops play. 560 00:38:49,093 --> 00:38:52,426 What's the secret of your success? 561 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,991 Three little letters. 562 00:38:58,969 --> 00:39:00,960 H.R.T. 563 00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:04,441 - What? - Hormone replacement therapy. 564 00:39:05,810 --> 00:39:07,801 I know what it means. 565 00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:10,871 It's no exaggeration to say it's, uh... 566 00:39:12,483 --> 00:39:15,577 ...it's changed my life, revolutionized it. 567 00:39:15,619 --> 00:39:19,146 - It's supposed to change women's lives. - Oh, it does. It does. 568 00:39:20,324 --> 00:39:23,293 Sauce for the goose, and the gander. 569 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,520 You care to explain that? 570 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,800 - Strictly between us, though. - Ashley. 571 00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:36,730 Well, thanks to hormone replacement, 572 00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:40,073 there's a whole generation of 573 00:39:40,111 --> 00:39:44,946 beautiful, mature, experienced 574 00:39:44,982 --> 00:39:49,510 sophisticated, wealthy women, 575 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:53,546 all reveling in their new-found sexuality. 576 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,751 Most of them are neglected. 577 00:39:57,795 --> 00:40:04,030 Their husbands are off, trying to pull the pants off some feather-brained temp 578 00:40:04,068 --> 00:40:06,559 while they have 579 00:40:06,604 --> 00:40:09,437 permanent ravers of their own at home, 580 00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:12,203 waiting, 581 00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:14,234 motors revving. 582 00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:19,341 All that sexual energy with nowhere to go. 583 00:40:24,321 --> 00:40:26,312 You're almost a social worker. 584 00:40:39,236 --> 00:40:42,569 - Ashley Wilkes, this is Major... - I think we all know who we are. 585 00:40:42,606 --> 00:40:45,131 I should have brought a horse whip or a pistol! 586 00:40:45,176 --> 00:40:50,079 Uh... Lovejoy said you wanted to commission me for a mural. 587 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:52,105 Where is she? 588 00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:54,607 - Who? - You know. 589 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,484 - Major, on my honor... - You don't even know what that word means. 590 00:41:00,524 --> 00:41:03,391 - I haven't a clue. - Roz. 591 00:41:04,361 --> 00:41:06,352 Roz? 592 00:41:07,331 --> 00:41:09,322 - Roz. - Yes. 593 00:41:10,234 --> 00:41:12,896 Roz. Uh... 594 00:41:12,937 --> 00:41:14,928 I'm sorry, I didn't realize. 595 00:41:14,972 --> 00:41:17,702 Ah. The penny's dropped. 596 00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:19,732 Are there so many? 597 00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:25,347 This bargain-basement Lothario did a painting of our cottage. 598 00:41:25,382 --> 00:41:29,182 Not only did he take me for £200, he also took my wife. 599 00:41:29,220 --> 00:41:32,485 - Roz left because she was bored. - Nonsense. How could she be bored? 600 00:41:32,523 --> 00:41:35,117 She was always on the move, always somewhere different. 601 00:41:35,159 --> 00:41:37,787 14 moves in what was it, 17 years? 602 00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:40,388 Pickford's saw more of her furniture than she did. 603 00:41:40,431 --> 00:41:42,899 - (Major) I'm a soldier. Soldiers move. - She wasn't a soldier. 604 00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:45,401 (Major) She knew what to expect. Her father was a soldier. 605 00:41:45,436 --> 00:41:47,427 Moving is an occupational hazard. 606 00:41:47,471 --> 00:41:50,065 Well, she's moved out, and that's a hazard. 607 00:41:50,107 --> 00:41:52,598 What a non-life... 608 00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:55,237 being snotty to juniors, crawling to seniors, 609 00:41:55,279 --> 00:42:00,080 even losing a ping-pong tournament because you were playing the colonel and his wife. 610 00:42:00,117 --> 00:42:02,847 Ah, no, no, no, not his wife, his lady. 611 00:42:02,887 --> 00:42:07,017 Did you know that, Lovejoy? Officers don't have wives. They have ladies. 612 00:42:07,057 --> 00:42:09,992 NCOs have wives. Other ranks have women. 613 00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:14,327 - I want her back. - Next time I see her, I'll tell her. 614 00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:16,026 We don't live together anymore. 615 00:42:16,066 --> 00:42:19,194 Give me a number, somewhere where I can talk to her. 616 00:42:19,236 --> 00:42:20,726 No. 617 00:42:20,771 --> 00:42:23,569 I'll tell her to call you, if she wants. 618 00:42:25,743 --> 00:42:29,907 If I haven't spoken to her by tonight, I shall come looking, fully armed. 619 00:42:29,947 --> 00:42:33,849 That's not a threat. It's a statement of intent. 620 00:42:36,453 --> 00:42:38,444 You still owe me 200 quid. 621 00:42:38,489 --> 00:42:40,457 When you deliver Roz. 622 00:42:54,104 --> 00:42:57,198 - I knew I'd never like the army. - Yeah, me too. 623 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:02,637 - So, that's why you were looking for me? - Apparently. 624 00:43:03,847 --> 00:43:06,315 She'll never go back to him, will she? 625 00:43:06,350 --> 00:43:08,341 Nah. I doubt it. 626 00:43:09,186 --> 00:43:11,177 Like I doubt you'll get your 200. 627 00:43:12,489 --> 00:43:14,480 I wouldn't be too sure about that. 628 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,261 Come on. Drive you back. 629 00:43:28,305 --> 00:43:30,569 - You all right, Tink? - Hello, sweetie. 630 00:43:35,980 --> 00:43:38,107 Do you ever go to the cinema, Lovejoy? 631 00:43:39,149 --> 00:43:41,811 - What? - Do you ever go to the cinema? 632 00:43:42,886 --> 00:43:47,016 Yeah, about 7.9 times per annum on average. 633 00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:49,549 You ever see Gone With The Wind? 634 00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:51,652 Everybody's seen Gone With The Wind. 635 00:43:52,196 --> 00:43:55,632 - Well, at least part of it anyway. - But you fall asleep? 636 00:43:55,666 --> 00:43:59,966 Always, and always in the same bloody place. 637 00:44:00,004 --> 00:44:03,132 Now, I'm in great shape up until the burning of Atlanta, 638 00:44:03,173 --> 00:44:07,667 and then the old minces start to close when Scarlett returns to Tara. 639 00:44:08,445 --> 00:44:12,905 (Southern accent) "With God's help, I'll never be hungry again." 640 00:44:14,184 --> 00:44:16,379 Could be you talking from then on, Tink. 641 00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:21,891 What character does Leslie Howard play in Gone With The Wind? 642 00:44:21,925 --> 00:44:23,916 How the hell do I know? 643 00:44:23,961 --> 00:44:25,952 Leslie Howard plays... 644 00:44:25,996 --> 00:44:28,521 (Both) Ashley Wilkes. 645 00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:30,556 Even his name's a lie! 646 00:44:30,601 --> 00:44:32,694 Oh, you shall go to the ball, Tink. 647 00:44:33,704 --> 00:44:36,969 ♪ Ya tie ta-tum 648 00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:40,204 (Both) ♪ Ya tie ta-tum 649 00:44:40,244 --> 00:44:41,233 All together now... 650 00:44:41,278 --> 00:44:45,476 (Both hum Tara's Theme from Gone With The Wind) 651 00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:49,782 ♪ Ta-tie ta-tum ♪ 652 00:45:08,605 --> 00:45:10,596 - Mr. Lovejoy. - Isn't he in? 653 00:45:10,641 --> 00:45:13,872 - May we have a word? - Inland Revenue? 654 00:45:13,911 --> 00:45:15,902 No. 655 00:45:18,849 --> 00:45:20,840 - You'd better come in. - Thank you. 656 00:45:22,619 --> 00:45:25,179 OK, CID? 657 00:45:25,222 --> 00:45:27,349 Ml5? Ml6? CIA? FBI? 658 00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,552 Come on, come on. I'm running out of alphabet. 659 00:45:29,593 --> 00:45:32,687 Take your pick. We'd like you to do something for us, Lovejoy. 660 00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:33,788 - Would you? - Yes. 661 00:45:34,998 --> 00:45:39,059 What's in it for me? I don't work for God, Queen or country, only for cash. 662 00:45:39,103 --> 00:45:41,936 - Tell him what's in it for him. - Continued good health. 663 00:45:41,972 --> 00:45:44,907 Oh, I knew it would be one of those smartass answers. 664 00:45:44,942 --> 00:45:48,878 A vasectomy means never having to say sorry. 665 00:45:49,980 --> 00:45:51,971 I'm sorry. 666 00:45:52,015 --> 00:45:54,006 We want to talk to Roz Chatfield. 667 00:45:54,051 --> 00:45:56,986 - What's stopping you? - Yu know where she is. We don't. 668 00:45:57,020 --> 00:45:59,079 Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you. 669 00:45:59,123 --> 00:46:01,489 - You could persuade her. - Why should I? 670 00:46:01,525 --> 00:46:05,188 You've got previous, my son. I believe you have a record. 671 00:46:06,864 --> 00:46:11,995 I don't suppose it would do any good saying I was framed, would it? 672 00:46:12,035 --> 00:46:14,026 No. 673 00:46:14,938 --> 00:46:17,873 They reckon prison pallor never leaves the skin. 674 00:46:17,908 --> 00:46:21,173 You've done well. Second time, it's not so easy. 675 00:46:23,347 --> 00:46:25,338 I could grow to like you. 676 00:46:26,517 --> 00:46:28,917 You do what we say, fine. 677 00:46:28,952 --> 00:46:32,615 If you don't, we'll have you in and out of Brixton like a bread van. 678 00:46:34,024 --> 00:46:36,993 Stop threatening me. I scare easily. 679 00:46:37,995 --> 00:46:40,862 Get her to the barracks first thing tomorrow. Yes? 680 00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:48,199 By the right. 681 00:46:51,842 --> 00:46:53,833 Right. Wheel. 682 00:47:19,536 --> 00:47:20,525 Yes. 683 00:47:47,164 --> 00:47:49,155 Will you take me home? 684 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,190 Sure. 685 00:47:59,409 --> 00:48:01,400 So, what was it all about? 686 00:48:01,912 --> 00:48:04,380 My father was a brigadier, and after he died, 687 00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:08,612 they discovered he'd removed some documents from the Ministry of Defence. 688 00:48:08,652 --> 00:48:10,643 What sort of documents? 689 00:48:10,687 --> 00:48:12,678 I can't tell you that, I'm afraid. 690 00:48:12,723 --> 00:48:14,714 Official secrets. 691 00:48:14,758 --> 00:48:16,749 OK. 692 00:48:17,995 --> 00:48:19,986 Oh, well... 693 00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:23,488 My father was a young officer in Malaya during the emergency, 694 00:48:23,533 --> 00:48:26,866 you know, during the '50s? 695 00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:30,897 And uh... there was this little village, Batang Kali, 696 00:48:30,941 --> 00:48:34,900 and the patrol from his regiment took some prisoners, 697 00:48:34,945 --> 00:48:37,675 workers on a rubber plantation, 698 00:48:37,714 --> 00:48:40,945 25 Chinese men and women. 699 00:48:40,984 --> 00:48:42,144 So? 700 00:48:42,185 --> 00:48:45,245 Well, apparently, the next day, they tried to escape. 701 00:48:45,289 --> 00:48:47,280 They were all shot. 702 00:48:47,324 --> 00:48:49,519 - All of them. - All 25. 703 00:48:50,527 --> 00:48:52,518 Dead? 704 00:48:52,562 --> 00:48:54,553 - None wounded? - Not one. 705 00:48:56,900 --> 00:48:59,994 One other officer who was out there with him is now... 706 00:49:00,037 --> 00:49:03,473 well, let's just say a prominent citizen. 707 00:49:03,507 --> 00:49:06,908 Ah, so they don't want those documents turning up where they shouldn't, 708 00:49:06,944 --> 00:49:08,935 like in the tabloids? 709 00:49:08,979 --> 00:49:10,970 That's right. 710 00:49:11,915 --> 00:49:13,906 So, where are they now? 711 00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:16,920 Um... Andrew... Major Chatfield burnt them. 712 00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:18,945 - Burnt them? - Yes. 713 00:49:18,989 --> 00:49:21,719 When he found out about Wilkes, he burnt everything of mine, 714 00:49:21,758 --> 00:49:23,749 clothes, make-up, paint... 715 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:26,456 He even burnt my rowing machine. 716 00:49:26,496 --> 00:49:28,487 (Gears grinding) 717 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:31,524 - You need a new gearbox. - Someone just bought me one. 718 00:49:31,568 --> 00:49:33,559 - Who? - You. 719 00:49:41,578 --> 00:49:43,569 Most kind. Thank you. 720 00:49:43,613 --> 00:49:45,604 Close, isn't it? 721 00:49:45,649 --> 00:49:48,140 Yes. Very still. 722 00:49:50,854 --> 00:49:52,845 High temperature and humidity. 723 00:49:52,889 --> 00:49:55,824 There's a ridge of high pressure over the North Sea. 724 00:49:58,261 --> 00:50:00,252 - May I? - Yes. Help yourself. 725 00:50:02,032 --> 00:50:04,865 Oh, but that's good. That's really good. 726 00:50:06,269 --> 00:50:08,260 A poor thing, but mine own. 727 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,882 Tink, you, uh? 728 00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:34,056 No, no. If she likes it, I get free booze for the whole summer. 729 00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:40,066 An ill-favored thing, sir, but mine own.